Just as my page title says, I am a WORK IN PROGRESS. As a parent I continuously find myself entangled and sorting through arguments that seem so frivolous that I need a minute to comprehend them. I start yelling as well! Making demands and corrections.
I grew up in a household where conversation and laughter was rarely experienced as a child. Normal dialogue came at an elevated tone to describe the latter of it so, that is all I knew of parenting. So my step children and biological children had to live through me learning how to be a parent and not a product of my upbringing.
I have struggled through this, completely unaware of what was missing in my life and unaware of my broken self, I continued in the production phase of parenting. It was not until and before I began to realize that the Lord began to pull on me, I fought it. Even when the Holy Spirit would nudge me and say this is not the way. I would still do it my way. Why? Because it was familiar to me. I knew it. I understood it. I’ve got this!
Then the weight began to pull me down. Is this who you want to be? A product being poured into the life of another. It took years! And I mean years just to GET my attention! The Lord never abandoned me. Then, I was too broken and too hurt and unable to go on in the manner I had grown accustomed to.
I had to allow myself to remember the grace of our Almighty Father. The One who forgave me for my sins; the One who listens when I cry and complain about circumstances, though I should be content and pray instead; the One who allows me another day to get it right even though more times than not I selfishly choose not to; the One who sorts through the messes I make so that they make sense.
So now when I hear those arguments starting, from the time I hear the first elevated voice to the foot stomping down the hall in my direction, I am LEARNING to pray, Lord give me the words to speak when they come to me to sort things out.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Forgive me for not standing in the position of mother that You entrusted to me in a gracious and merciful manner as You have been to me. Forgive me for pouring emptiness into my children when it was supposed to be Your Word. Forgive me for taking Your grace and mercy for granted. Thank You for continuing to chide me when I walked away. Lord, You have a purpose for my children, they were Yours before they were mine. Stand in their voids Lord that I leave. Fill them with You so that they will be whole because we are nothing without You. Walk with me Father as I continue to stand in this God-given position as a mother and let me not take another day for granted. Let my children hear Your voice when I speak and not the weak flesh that I so easily portray.
In the name of Jesus I pray,
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 New King James Version (NKJV)
Photo Credit: https://goo.gl/images/X5hGtQ