I’ve taken this blog not only as a means of release but as a way to encourage myself, and others. I admit I do not have it all together and I believe that we need more “saints” who can do that. For many years I stopped going to church though I was shattered and broken inside because the “church folk” were just as nasty as the “worldly sinners.” Why did I want to go somewhere that offered no repose to the world’s tribulations? Why would I want your Jesus? I was not mature enough to know they were a false representation of Him as so many are. As I was. I never told anyone that I was saved, I didn’t believe that I was, although I had accepted Christ into my life as a pre-teen. I never walked around talking about the Bible or the Lord because I didn’t believe I had a right to. I distanced myself from the Lord because I knew that I could not speak of Him and justify it with my life. He was a figure I had become acquainted with from childhood, and ran from in adulthood. Isn’t that sad? I thought I didn’t have a right to Him. I was unaware of His unmerited and unmeasurable grace that He extends without hesitation, without question. Regardless of where we are, He stands there waiting for us to return to Him.
Those who are weak in the Word of God, and His ways need to hear that through our weakness God leads us to Him. That old cliché is true, when we are at the bottom [of our pits] we only have one direction to look….up. “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121: 1-2 (KJV)). Sounds so easy, doesn’t it?! Just look up and someone will be there to rescue you. But reality is, it’s not easy. I admit even today I find myself swaying back and forth between faith and doubt. Lord, You said You will never leave or forsake but, why…? Though we know the answer…sin. Sin runs rampant in this world and because of sin our world aches. “For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope” (Romans 8: 19-20 (NIV)). Then there are our own sins. We commit sins not against our brothers, and sisters in Christ or our neighbors that the Lord asserted to be every being we share our space with but against God, Himself.
So how do we become of one mind with the Lord and trust Him wholeheartedly? How can we get to the point where our life is no longer a concern for us because we know the Lord has our best interest at heart? How can I believe like James 1: 6-7 (NIV) commands, “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” So I guess I can’t say the Lord has “it,” and then worry about “it.” Huh? I’ve began to pray as the father in Mark 9 did. The father in need of the Lord’s help wanted to believe in the Lord’s power but still found himself so burdened with grief of his concern that he doubted. The Lord said to him, “…“Everything is possible for one who believes.” Then the father replied, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9: 23-24, NIV). That’s what I need, Lord I believe because You’ve done it before but, right now I need You to help my unbelief. Remind me of the many blessings that You have given to me before, even when I was unaware You were extending Your love because You saw that I didn’t know how to love myself.
Dear Heavenly Father,
There are some days I need to be reminded that You are in control. There are days that my circumstances far outpace my faith. You have been there so many times before. You have told me, and shown me that You are with me but I need You again. Lord, I speak words of doubt, and anger, and hurt but I am relying on my own strength. Guard my mouth so that only words of peace come from me and guide my actions so that I am the representation that Your Word commands. Cover us with Your wings of protection and surround us with Your light.
In the name of Jesus I pray,