Hold My Heart

Though life seems utterly of pain
Shared throughout the days
Our Lord will not refrain
To show His love in many ways.
~ GrantedGrace72

I am new to this blogging. As a matter of fact, this is completely out of my comfort zone but I believe God is leading me and has put it on my heart for some time now to share my poetry and my ups and many downs in life.

DO AS I SAY…

Being very quiet and very shy as a child, did not detract from the fact that I was also strong-willed…at home. I found myself rebelling against my parents as a teenager, and young adult. I left home at 18. In my mind, I felt as if I had been “held down” for so long that I was going to forge my own way and ignore everything I had come from. I continued rebelling against my parents. I did this not knowing that I was hurting myself only trying to run away from a temporary feeling. I was running head first, blind-folded. I was desperate to get away. Desperate to do things my way. Desperate for something… to breathe.

“A prudent person forsees danger and takes
precautions. The simpleton goes blindly
on and suffers the consequences.”
Proverbs 27:12 NLT 

LET ME SHOW YOU….

It took a long time for me to get here, much longer than I care to remember but it reminds me of time lost and I still have to pray that God softens me so that I can reach my children. After battling an illness, and depression; today, I find myself remembering my childhood thoughts and feelings as I speak to my children. Even when I may lose my temper my heart is burdened until I go back to apologize and I do my best to take different paths in raising them. I keep telling my children to use my life as an example and do not go down the same roads I did.

As with most parents they want to see their children do exceedingly better. Just yesterday, I had the conversation with one of my children about getting irritated when I ask or tell them to do chores or tasks. This time I asked them to go to the store with me. The task was menial, nothing daunting. They are always going places with their friends, no problem, with a smile, and a spring in their step…because it’s what they want to do. I had sent them in the store earlier to buy a few products with a very detailed list: price, detailed item name, color, quantity. They came home with something completely different than what I had instructed. Their excuse…”Well, I don’t use it!” Now, I asked them to come back to the store with me not because I needed the company, although I want to spend as much time with them as I can, but because I wanted to teach them something. There was a purpose behind the task. To teach that in order to complete a task, the correct end result must be attained regardless if right now you don’t see it is as for your own benefit.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6: 1-3

 Dear Heavenly Father,

I know that You are here with me. Regardless of how my right now may seem. Though the devil throws obstacles in my path so I may fall, Your word says that You will never fail or abandon me. Let me stand in faith. Keep my mind, my heart, my will submissive to You. I can be careless at times with the life You have entrusted to me, Lord, forgive me. Teach me how to protect my heart from the tricks of the enemy when things are not going my way. Teach me to protect my mind from the thoughts that the enemy tries to convince me of.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen!

 

 

PhotoCredit: Huffpost (2016) https://goo.gl/images/4ew2uL

Chipped Away

I submit this with a humble heart of repentance to God, and that my life can be an  example with love for the next generations after me or to whoever reads this that may be lost or considering. Many Christians like to pretend they came out of the womb holy but everyone has a past and sometimes our scars are what ministers to others, not our ability to quote scriptures.

I grew up very shy and very quiet, the baby girl. I grew up in church. As a matter of fact, I was in church service about 4 times per week. I was told what to do, when to do it, I was restricted into a very rigid guideline. I was in church but I never knew what love was, affection, kindness, gentleness. I never experienced these. Now, do not get me wrong my parents were not abusive but they could not give me what they had not received as children, and had not allowed God to fill the voids. Though some are able to accept this and thrive thereafter, I became lost without direction. As I left home as an adult I became susceptible to the world… because I was lost being alone.

I had heard at church that my body was a living sacrifice for God but what does that mean to me?! I didn’t know that God would lead and guide me through the pains and struggles of life. Even when God tried to lead me away from danger I didn’t know it was God and continued down the same dark road. Again, I didn’t know love or even the worldly definition of it, worldly love = sex, no, if I felt like having sex, I did. Society continues to tell us it is okay to do this, “explore your sexuality,” and then we are degraded and deposed when we do. Once I met the man who would be my last boyfriend, I changed. But God was not done with me.

(Now I stop here to say that this is my story and just because this was my intervening point does not mean that you can or should wait.)

Even after I left that part of my life behind, I was nowhere near where God wanted me. God began to harden my heart and began to make me despise the life I was living, to the point where depression would cause gaps of isolation, a loss of zest for life and my family, my words and actions were sharp and painful to others. God allowed me down a dark path and what was buried in me a long time ago began to surface, I need God. I needed to get back to the safe place I knew a long time ago, where I was told what to do, when to do it, back into the guideline I had run away from. It was 18 years of trying and fighting to control a life that was only a gift from God to fulfill His purpose for me. “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13 NLT). We all are not given that much time. “How do you know that your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like in the morning fog – it’s here a little while, then it’s gone” (James 4: 14 NLT).

With the love that God has graced me with for my children, He has made me aware of all children. My heart hurts as I think of the worldly obstacles my children must push through in order to seek a God-filled life. Culture/Society and/or inexperienced parenting would have us believe that we are nothing more than what we are told and taught but we are not bound by what the world thinks because God says, “for I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). So we do not have to live by the world’s standards because God already has a plan for us. Had I known, I would have saved myself years of life where I spent chasing worldly love when I had no idea what it was.

Now regardless if you are a teenager, adult, or whatever stage of life you are in. Regardless of how deep you may think you have fallen or if you think nobody wants you or loves you. You are still God’s child and He loves You the same exact way He did while you were being formed in your mothers womb. As soon as we invite Him in, He will come like any father who hears their child calling. It may not seem fast enough to us but He will come.

*Never feel as though you are alone. Someone has felt the same way you do at this very moment. Someone else feels as though they have no one to talk to. But on the contrary God inclines His ears to us, whether you feel close to Him or not and you may seek Christian counseling or a ministerial team member that you are comfortable talking to. You are never alone.

Show Me

Dear Heavenly Father,

This world is in such a distressed state. Hurt, pain, brokenness, disturbances are in our everyday. Father, I ask that You look down and see Your children. Hear our prayers Lord. You have sent the Comforter to us, let us feel His ever-presence even more now. We are compounded with negativity that becomes an impression on us but You have overcome the world. So let us rest in You. Search us Lord, whatever is not like You cleanse us of it. Close our mouths from speaking runaway words of negativity and let every negative thing spoken against us be washed away.  Continue to cultivate us so that we walk in the steps of Your will.

In the Name of Jesus I pray,

Amen!

Scripture:

1 John 4:4-6

4 But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 5 Those people belong to this world, so they speak from the world’s viewpoint, and the world listens to them. 6 But we belong to God, and those who know God listen to us. If they do not belong to God, they do not listen to us. That is how we know if someone has the Spirit of truth or the spirit of deception.

 

 

 

 

Bible Gateway (1996) Holy Bible – New Living Translation, 1 John 4: 4-6, Retrieved: 24Feb18,  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+4:4-6&version=NLT

Amen! Amen!

They came, they saw
They left in awe
The good, ‘godly’ show
That we’ve come to know
They waved their hands
And shouted, “Amen!”
But they can’t reap their labor
It’s been spoiled by their hearts to the neighbor
They cried out to God
But He saw the depths of their hearts
Judging the sin of their fellow man
Lent no hand, crossed legs,
     retrieved church fan.
They appear to be holy, they appear to be righteous
But it might just
Be for the show
A show God didn’t orchestrate I know
Because He said to love all man
And He would judge all through the land
But we appraise ourselves above our worth
We take God’s job; we become the new church
The ones who proclaim God’s word
But has it reserved
For the fellow friend
And not those lost within
Searching for an answer to their pain
Unaware for their sins that the Lamb was slain
But they were frowned upon by the members
They never got to surrender
Their broken hearts to God
Those self-righteous hearts were too hard
To see that church is not for just the ‘Godly’ but the broken
For the souls seeking the One who was chosen
To save us all from our sins
To take the broken hearts in His hand to mend
But those who were weary couldn’t see past the noses
              in the air
They looked for a sign, they went for a prayer
Now the love of God was hard to be seen
The smiles on the church faces don’t show what they mean
Lights, camera, ready for the show
This wasn’t the plan of God I know
Because He said to love all man
Not just the good, not just our friend
So, please cleanse me O, God!
Remind me it is by Your rod
We are comforted
And it is Your word when confronted
That shall be sweet as honey
To a broken man’s ears
It’s Your words that will soothe his fears
Remove my pride
And my self-righteous high
When a fellow sinner
Comes to be delivered
I don’t want to be the new church
Because without You we’re not worth
Much at all
I don’t want my pride, I don’t want to fall
So dim the lights on the stage we’ve made
Close the lens, the scene goes to fade
Though we try, let the sins of our own life no longer hide… 
                from you
Lead us to the unpopular, the broken, those cast aside
Away from the show
Because that is Your plan I know.

Copyright 2017

 

PhotoCredit: http://clipart-library.com/clipart/108797.htm

Not Without You

Heavenly Father,

I thank you for the mercy that You have extended to allow me this day. Though I have failed You so many times, You are faithful. Though I strayed away, You have been constant. Though I have not been kind and loving many times, You freely give Your grace. You show me what I cannot be without You. So fill me Lord with Your Spirit so that I may grow up in You.

In the name of Jesus I pray,

Amen!

 

Reconciled to Him (Romans 5:10 (NIV))

The Bible says in Romans 5:10 (NIV), “For if , while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!

It’s That Verse (Romans 12:14)

 

Bless not curse
Your enemies is the verse
I struggle with.
The verse that compels me to quit,
Throw up my hands
Lord, I’m not that grand
I’m not there yet.
With anger and stress my days are met
The feelings I can’t hide,
There’s so much I keep inside.

Lord, open my heart, work on me
For You once counted me an enemy
Yet, You loved me through.
Once upon a time I knew
Not the pain I caused,
Never did I take pause
But Lord, now Your love has
Made me aware of my past.
You have covered my sin
By Your blood, this race I will win.

You see there is no condemnation.
My Lord feels no indignation
To me, because I left, I ran away
Chasing worldly comforts that weren’t
          comforting enough to stay.
Lord, thank You for waking me
Clearing the darkness from my eye to see.
Thank You for bringing my sin to the surface,
So that You could expose my pain with a purpose.
Now they will know that it is only through You
A life of turmoil can be renewed.

Humble me Lord, because in their place I once stood,
And at times I fall, yet I rise because You are good.
Through Your love for me
I can do all things.
Bless, yes bless my enemies, let me do
Good to those who persecute.
Let them feel Your grace,
Remove their sins without a trace.
Cleanse them from their iniquities.
Break them in love until it’s You they please.

Copyright 2017

 

PhotoCredit: https://goo.gl/images/tNEJhX

Words Runaway (Prayer)

Our mouths open spilling
Word that offer no healing
A symptom of hurt
Struggling to know our worth
Perhaps they’re an insight
Into our hearts, get right
You can’t stay this way
Lord hear as we pray
We’re the lost one You speak of
The one’s who speak with no love
No fruit from our lips
The hand of death we grip
Looking out to others
Who know the Lord as their lover
I want that too, agape’
Love that’s not my sloppy
Second hand gift
So to You my eyes will I lift
Begging, reach out Your hand
Death obey His command
Release us from your treacherous hold
So the life of our mouths will unfold
Open heart, filter our mind
Remove the loose filth and grime
It can’t take hold of us…me
Not our words, Lord hear my plea
I’m coming to You
I declare it’s You our heart will ensue
But it’s hurt and heavy
We’re not strong enough to carry
This load alone
Father speak from Your throne
Bridle our tongue, filter our words
Teach us the grace You give though we don’t deserve
Our mouths runaway
With our thoughts they sway
A double-minded contentious desire
Let us die to our flesh, Lord take us higher.

Copyright 2017

I SMILE, I CRY

Don’t care! I say
When you question my day.
I smile, I cry
Back and forth I don’t deny.
My heart, my mind
At war with the tide.
Tossed and thrown
Wanting peace I groan.
Yet I don’t care! I say
As you send laughs my way
At least I’m working
Through ache that’s hurting.
Thoughts come and go
I fight the truth I know,
God is working in me
Wrestling my heart free.
So I don’t care! I say
I close my eyes when I pray
Never minding the chatter
That envelopes me as you gather.

Copyright 2018

Mending Glass

You need to know me?

I am an old youth. Late to grow. Yet grateful of the time given by the Lord. Under His watchful eye, I am redirected, chastened, and chided. My heart is fragile, broken, and a work in progress. The Lord delicately puts me together as if mending glass. My pieces are not visibly shown. Hurt words leave my mouth, though my heart speaks a different beat. A common factor in our time. My ways have sent me astray from the Lord’s path. I am no different than you. The Lord uses His timetable, methods, and avenues to lead us back to Him…if we will listen.

Heavenly Father,

Open my ears to hear Your gentle voice. Soften my heart so that I will heed Your words. Guide my feet so that I may walk in line with Your will.

In the name of Jesus I pray,

Amen!

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